Apparently one of my classes serves to ruin free speech by letting morons utilize it. A girl in my class managed to fire off two (2) affronts to intelligent thought in a matter of mere SECONDS.
Intellectually deteriorating thought #1 : "If I didn't get to see dinosaurs when I was a kid, then my grand-kids don't get to see polar bears."
Intellectually deteriorating thought #2: "How could you put a woolly mammoth in an elephant if elephants are smaller?"
I have to let it be known that I do in fact attend a college. And I had to deal with this after being awake for less than an hour. And then it started to snow.
The fact that money is exchanged to allow this girl (her name rhymes with 'Hope Williams') to go to a school that doesn't focus on construction paper and Elmer's Glue really makes me sad. But then again, maybe she's just paying money to indirectly piss off people? That would be actually okay. But there are better ways.
WAYS TO PISS OFF PEOPLE THAT COSTS MONEY BUT COULD TOTALLY BE WORTH IT
(It's important to remember that the amount of money we're assuming is the money that was probably spent on Hope Williams' college fund. Which is to say, probably a decent amount of money.)
1) Buy an entire store-worth of pies, and slam them upside-down on every car on campus
2) Buy all the drinks in all the vending machines every day (especially when it's hot). Then sell the drinks yourself, and dress up and act like a Jawa while you're doing it.
3) Attempt to turn every incline into a waterslide.
4) Make macaroni pictures while humming loudly, then post them on the bulletin boards. Or on second thought, just go all Jackson Pollock on the bulletin boards. I mean that in both the style of artwork and rampant alcoholism.
These are all okay ideas, but really, in this girls case, I almost just want her to go back to whatever public education level it was where they taught you common sense. I can't remember, but I've ditched a lot of classes.
The jawa thing. That - that's an appropriate use of fundage. On that.
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