Beard Withdrawls

I was clearly suffering from beard withdrawal the last couple of days. I don't even remember writing the last post on here but it was clearly when I was held in it's dark beardless grasp. Look how saccharine sweet that last post is. How dreadful. I almost got diabetes reading it.

I'm only barely regaining control of my normal self, and I think it's because my five-o-clock shadow has come back. In true Seth Brundle form, however, I tried to document some side-effects of beardlessness when I wasn't in bouts of sappy behavior and maple-syrup smiles. The results were terrifying.

Certain aspects, like reading the nutritional facts of food and letting that determine my intake, were quite unnerving to me, as I never do that when I'm healthy, normal, and have a beard. Others, like me letting a friend get away with saying something phenomenally stupid, were straight terrifying. I clearly became a completely different person without my beard.

Other things I fear I may have done under the effects of beardlessness:

gone to a flower shop
skipped
engaged in polite conversation
ignored someones poor dressing choices
smiled
eaten a salad